Discussing Hair Loss

For my final journal entry, I wanted to do some sort of mediated experiment that continued to look into my main topic dealing with hair and hair loss. So, for the experiment I decided to post a thread on a forum that dealt with cancer. I was originally going to go to a chat room and observe the conversation, but after a lot of searching I realized that a community forum was a better bet, since chat rooms are not very common or used often. In contrast, community forums and discussion boards are very popular places to post questions, comments and concerns. I wanted to see how people responded and interacted with different topics and questions. Some of the most popular threads were ones about clinical trials and finding other people with cancer in their community.

I posted on the Breastcancer.org Discussion Boards Community Forum. I chose the dealing with symptoms section and posted about hair loss. My post said: “I'm concerned about hair loss from chemo. How does everybody deal with the loss of hair? Do you all wear a wig or a scarf (or go bald)? I feel as though I may lose a sense of my current feminine identity...” I wanted to post something that dealt with feelings about losing one’s hair, how to deal with it and the idea of losing identity.

After posting I got a fair amount of page views but only got one response. One woman responded telling me that it does stink to lose your hair, but that it grows back. She also suggested going to Planet Buff to find buffs to cover and keep the head warm, as well as using a hat, but no wig. She did say that she felt self conscious about returning to work with her short hair, but that it was ok now after she got over that anxiety. I was impressed that this woman had responded to me so kindly and honestly. I felt a slight sense of guilt about having posted a lie and that someone had honestly responded back to me. I didn’t like lying about having cancer, but I wanted to see how others felt about hair loss and this seemed to be the only way to do it. With a forum so large, I wasn’t too surprised that I only got one comment, although I had many page views. There were so many topics so to sift through and to find one must have been quite a task. Or maybe my topic just wasn’t viewed as so serious considering hair loss is a minor symptom compared to things like lasting neuropathy, clinical trials and mastectomies.

In addition I added my “two cents” to a few forums dealing with unsupportive boyfriends, chemotherapy and being supportive of family members with cancer. I wanted to see how I could interact with other people and keep the threads and discussions alive. I also read through some of the forums that dealt with hair and buying wigs or using cold caps (a treatment that attempts to prevent hair loss). Many of the complaints about hair were that it was gray or dry and brittle. It was interesting to me that not too many people were discussing the issue of hair loss but more so how and where to get a wig, how to color it, or if anyone else had similarly dry hair from a certain drug. Hair loss seemed as if it was just something that was likely to happen and these people were dealing with the consequences, not necessarily getting super upset about losing it in the first place (that was more or less expected).

One of the common topics when dealing with breast cancer, is not only hair loss, but surgery and mastectomies. After reading Bauman and discussing plastic surgery, I thought that this topic was particularly interesting. Bauman says “life as an unending string of ‘new beginnings’ – is the widely noted and astounding expansion of cosmetic surgery…now, for the millions who can afford the cost, it has turned into a routine instrument of the perpetual remaking of the visible self” (Bauman 101). Cosmetic surgery used to be for people with ugly scars, horrible burns or birth defects, but now it is being used by people to enhance themselves and to become someone or something else. This brings up an interesting topic, the idea of reconstruction versus cosmetic surgery for beauties sake. They can both be looked at as enhancements, but one is due to the devastating effects of cancer on the body, while the other is not necessary. But, is reconstruction necessary after cancer? Many people choose not to have reconstruction maybe because they don’t want surgery, it is too expensive, or because they fear the cancer could come back. There are many reasons on both sides, and one isn’t right. It is just interesting to look at how Bauman claims we feel a pressure to be someone else and people say that “reminders of what a sexy body looks like are everywhere, and as I get older I worry more and more about how I measure up” (Bauman 60). If you don’t have boobs at all, is it still possible to feel sexy and compare yourself to others? Bauman isn’t necessarily concerned with reconstructive surgery, but he does note that we are a consumer society, and we want to be the best version of ourselves and continue to change.

As Baudrillard claims, a beautiful body is a happy body. This ties in directly with hair loss and the feelings discussed on the forum. Many cancer patients feel betrayed by their bodies and not beautiful when they don’t have hair, so they must figure out how to maintain a beautiful body in order to be happy. He talks about making one’s body visible and how appearing is power. An investment in the body raises capital, so the question becomes how do people with no hair or no boobs raise their capital and make themselves visible and confident. I’d say that through the use of adornment such as hats, wigs, and buffs (like the woman suggested to me), this can allow a person to consume and feel better about the way they look and appear to the world. He claims that “consumption is a powerful element of social control” (Bauman 84) and I agree with this and feel as though by consuming, people that don’t have hair feel as though they can gain back some of their power and be a part of ‘normal’ society again.

There are many resources on-line, not just forums, for people to share and discuss ideas about hair loss and how to deal with it. I came across a blog that discussed the idea of “learning to wear (and love) fashionable scarves and head covers” (The Beauty in Scarves). The article helps to give women tips about where to find scarves and learning how to wrap one while embracing them as feminine fashion. As one woman claimed, “even through chemo, it was important to me to not look sick. It’s no fun losing your hair, and it’s really hard on your self-esteem” (The Beauty in Scarves). As I have found throughout my project, it is upsetting and hard on the self-esteem to lose one’s hair. It is fortunate however that we have so many forums and places where people can find articles or reach out to ask for and give advice.

Works Cited

Baudrillard, Jean. The Consumer Society: Myths and Structures. London: Sage, 1998. Print.

Bauman, Zygmunt. Consuming Life. Cambridge: Polity, 2007. Print.

"The Beauty in Scarves: Getting Your Hair Loss Under Wraps." Cinco Vidas. Web. 18 Apr. 2011. .

Hairless in the City

My ultimate experiment is going to deal with hair and hair loss, so I figured that my field experiment would work best if it involved hair as well. Hair is an essential part of how we view ourselves and how we interact with society and view and perceive others. Without it, we stick out and I knew that this would be one of the major issues I would have to face in my experiment.

The Experiment:

I decided to appear as though I had no hair. I wanted to see what it was like to be out in public with no hair visible. When I was changing in the morning, I decided to put on sweatpants and a jacket so that my clothes weren’t too tight, because I wanted to look like I was sick in some way. I had just returned from the gym and hadn’t showered because I figured this would give me the appearance of being tired and maybe more sickly. First, I put on a swim cap to try and mat down my hair. Then I took one of my roommate’s dark blue scarves and I wrapped it around my head and tied it at the back.

I can honestly say that instantly I felt different. When I looked at myself in the mirror I was kind of horrified. I looked unfeminine and I wanted to take the scarf off immediately. I was trying to think of ways that I could exit the building without being seen by my neighbors. As I exited my room, I was nervous about people seeing me and judging me. Fortunately I was the only one in the elevator and my anxiety lessened a little bit. As I stepped out of the elevator, I could feel people staring, although I’m not really even sure that they were, because I was staring at the ground in front of me. I walked out of the building feeling nervous and lacking confidence.

What I decided to do was just to walk around the city. I didn’t have any specific goal or place that I wanted to go, I just wanted to walk and observe people observing me. I struggled with keeping my eyes up and walking confidently down the street because I didn’t feel beautiful or confident at all. I had to keep telling myself to just walk and observe my place in society with no hair.

I got many stares and glances. People tried not to look, but they couldn’t help it. I stuck out and they knew it. Business men glanced and then glanced away. People on the street stared but I figured they probably felt bad about staring so they were careful about it. I was suspicious that people were staring and so I glanced at people, without a smile on my face, and stared back at them. My self confidence was pretty low and my heart was definitely beating faster than normal. No one outright approached me or said anything out loud to me about my non-existent hair. I just had an uneasy feeling about being stared at. I walked for as long as I could handle the staring and uncomfortableness.

In the end, as I walked back to my apartment, I was walking quicker and I was eager to get back into the comfort of my own room. I wanted to take my scarf off as quickly as possible and go back to having hair and being feminine. The guard at the front desk of my dorm looked at me, probably because he was curious and he said hello. No one approached me about my lack of hair which I had expected, but I got enough stares to make up for it. Overall, the experience definitely shook me up and took me way outside of my comfort zone. I have a lot of respect for people who lose their hair and have to deal with it on a daily basis especially because of how it is viewed in society.

Analysis:

Hair is mentioned briefly in the Hollander book. She agrees that hair is a vital part of our appearance and she says, “hair has provoked stronger feeling than anything else in the history of clothing, since it’s always part of both clothes and body, both intimate and highly visible if the head is left bare” (Hollander 183). As Hollander points out, we want to conform and feel socially comfortable and therefore most people wear clothes and their hair in a typical fashion that is acceptable for their gender. Although there are many different styles and many subcultures people can be involved in, no one takes a second glance at a person in jeans and a t-shirt. It is the person that is outside of the norm that is stared at and judged more critically. I felt this judgment and staring as I walked down the street. Instead of altering my dress, I altered my appearance with my hair, something that has become essential to have in our society. Hollander claims, “hair’s visual qualities can obviously cause keen anguish and pleasure” (183). By this she means that hair has become a symbol of beauty, identification, and showcases gender. Seeing beautiful hair or no hair at all causes great emotion. Through my experiment I don’t think that any one was pleased with seeing me, they probably mostly felt bad for me or were curious as to my situation. They likely judged me as sick or strange, and Hollander showed us how important our visual presentation is, especially with our desire to fit in to the world.

Dress is essential in presenting ourselves to others and Lurie claims that this dates back far by saying, “For thousands of years human beings have communicated with one another first in the language of dress” (Lurie 3). It is not a new story that when we choose an outfit we are making some sort of statement. By not showing my hair and wearing a scarf, I was making the statement that either I thought head scarves were cool or that I was sick and had lost my hair, and I’m sure that most people thought one of these two things about me. I wasn’t particularly comfortable without hair, and I felt like I was betraying people who are actually sick by pretending to have no hair. In Lurie’s book she says, “To put on someone else’s clothes is symbolically to take on their personality” (Lurie 24). I put on my roommates scarf, which is not so relevant because it was very plain, but the relevant piece is taking on an identity of a different group who doesn’t have hair. I am not in this group yet I was pretending to be. Lurie says, “You can lie in the language of dress” (Lurie 24). I felt like I was in fact lying and that I was wrong in pretending to be someone who I wasn’t. In Lurie’s article, she delves into the different ways that we can dress and the fact that, “Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world” (Lurie 36). I do agree that it should be free speech, but free speech unfortunately doesn’t come free of judgment. I will admit that I judge people based on what they are wearing sometimes. If I see someone wearing a scarf like I had, I would likely assume that they had cancer or alopecia and I would feel badly for them immediately. Or if I saw a person dressed in gothic attire, I would probably stare or take more than one glance wondering why they felt compelled to dress so strangely. We can make many choices in fashion and with our hair, and we are free to make these choices, but people will stare if you are different, there is no way around it.

Wearing a scarf reminded me of people having to wear veils for their religion. Although my scarf was not a veil, it did look a little bit like a doo-rag or a veilo, but I don’t think I was dressed appropriately or have the appropriate appearance for people to think that that is what I was going for. Feeling people staring at me left me feeling uneasy and I couldn’t imagine wearing a veil and being stared at constantly. After reading Ali’s article and how she said, “Most people in the parking lot stopped to stare. If the sisters were aware that all eyes were on them, they gave no signs” (Ali). These women had obviously gotten used to the hundreds of people who stared and judged them each day. The difference is that their veils were for religion and people judge that much more harshly then if they assume you are just sick. So much judgment surrounds dress and hair, and it seems unnecessary. People are fundamentally different and choose to dress themselves up differently and that is ok. Through the experiment I learned about my own fears about dress and hair, and that next time I see someone different from me walking down the street I should treat them no differently then I would someone in jeans and a t-shirt.

Works Cited

Ali, Lorraine. “Behind the Veil.” New York Times. July 11, 2010.

Hollander, Anne. Sex and Suits. New York: Kodansha International, 1994.

Lurie, Alison. The Language of Clothes. New York: Henry Holt and Co., 2000.

Presentation of Self in Second Life

Last semester was the first time that I had ever heard of the online virtual reality game called Second Life. It was launched in 2003 and currently has over 13 million registered users who occupy millions of square meters of virtual space. Second Life is a virtual world where people can choose an avatar and interact with other people, exchange goods and create property. Millions of people including educators, artists and governments, share information and have forums for people to discuss and learn.

In my Senior Media Seminar last semester called Disability in Media, I was introduced to the concept of Second Life and the possibilities that it presented to people with disabilities, people looking to escape their own lives, or just people who wanted to play an online game that is “similar” to reality. It provides many opportunities for people from all walks of life to interact with one another. In my Disability class, I learned that Second Life is an opportunity for people who have crippling disabilities or who are part of the disability community, to re-create themselves on this site to completely change their public image. For my project this semester, I am interested in hair and hair loss, so Second Life provided me with an outlet to change my appearance and undertake a new one in society, or technically speaking in virtual society.

When I was in middle school I was an avid Sims player. I enjoyed creating new characters and would get lost for a few hours at a time within the Sim world. This only lasted for about a year until I grew up and realized that I didn’t need to escape to a virtual world anymore. While playing Sims, I did not frequently change my appearance. I normally made my main character a girl with blond hair and blue eyes and I would make her husband, a handsome man who I dreamed up. Nowadays, I do not play virtual games and I have never been a fan of the games on Facebook or any other sort of computer game. So entering this virtual world was a completely new experience for me. As I downloaded the program, I found myself thinking about how as soon as the project was over I was going to have to uninstall it because I don’t want to admit to having played it or be tempted by it.

Experiment:

After waiting about five minutes for the program to download onto my computer, I was prompted to choose a username. I chose a random name Mandy and the numbers 1234. Then, I was prompted to choose my avatar for the game. In creating my avatar, I set out to create a person that was not similar to myself. I wanted to see how people would react to someone who wasn’t just a regular girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. So, I entered Second Life as a bald woman, with brown eyes, about 5’2” tall and carrying about thirty extra pounds. She was by no means attractive, but that was partially the point. I was curious as to how people would react to her and if I would get any comments about her bald head.

When Mandy was planted on Welcome Island, she was greeted by a chat request from Chatbird, who said “I mostly repeat everything you say. But if you ask nicely I’ll give you a kiss. Please say ‘Give me a kiss.’” I have to admit I found this chat a little bit creepy, so I ignored it and followed the arrows to Welcome Island, while I tested out allowing my avatar to run, walk and fly. Quickly after entering, I was asked to be friends with a character named Baby Sookie. This person engaged me in conversation and asked me if I knew how to play, which of course I did not have any idea how to do. I engaged in conversation with Baby Sookie and other people, mainly mindless chat about how the game worked, and I discovered how to make my avatar dance, make certain gestures and teleport to different islands.

As I reflect on what I saw on Welcome Island, it is amazing that no one commented on my appearance. The conversation was mainly light and friendly, the first steps in a friendship. I purposely made myself appear different from reality and was wondering if anyone would comment on my bald head. But, I was not the only one with a strange appearance. Some of my fellow users were wearing strange outfits, looked like silver statues and had crazy hair. I was not the only one with a strange and non conventional appearance and it didn’t seem to matter.

Analysis:

Reflecting on my experience with Second Life, I thought about John Berger and his take on the way that we see and make sense of things in the world. Berger says that, “the way we see things is affected by what we know or what we believe” (Berger 8). Being bald has become more common nowadays. In the past, people would more frequently wear wigs if they were bald, but now people aren’t as afraid to show off their bald head because the public is more accepting and understanding of the unconventional. This does not mean though that people do not stare or take a second look, it is still not the norm. Berger also discusses nudity and the changes over time of women in art from shame aimed at the viewer and then to shame as a display. We are also able to see the differences between women and men in art, as “Men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at” (Berger 47). As a woman playing Second Life I noticed that the default woman was tall and skinny. This is obviously the typical beautiful woman that people strive for. Although you are allowed to change your avatar, many people leave it as the stick skinny woman and just change her clothes and hair color. In creating their avatars, I would assume that women spend more time adjusting its appearance, and Berger notes this in his book, saying “She has to survey everything she is and everything she does because how she appears to others, and ultimately how she appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life” (Berger 46). Women who want to interact and form relationships with men on Second Life would be likely to create a sexy avatar to get attention. I spent a great deal of time making my avatar look more plain and trying to make her stick out, but once I got to Second Life I realized that everyone is different, and maybe that is the point of this virtual reality world, you can be whoever you want to be with minimal judgment.

Goffman in discussing the presentation of self talks about the expressions we give and the expressions we give off (Goffman 2). Particularly important to Second Life interactions are the expressions we give off. How we present ourselves allows people to figure out who we are and certain clues about our identity. Goffman believes that everyone wears a mask and is playing a role, and this is not only the case in real life but also in Second Life. The performance a person puts on when creating an avatar and interacting asks others “to believe that the character they see actually possesses the attributes he appears to possess” (Goffman 17). In virtual reality we are asking others to believe our mask and we believe other people’s masks. We are able to express a part of ourselves maybe in a different way than is possible in the real world and for many people this provides an escape and a chance to redefine themselves.

In our secondary readings, I was shocked to come across the article about a couple who divorced because of a Second Life affair. In my short experience with Second Life I didn’t reach a level where intimacy occurred, but apparently fantasies can be played out and have got some people in trouble in their marriages. While playing the game, it was hard for me to understand how a person could get so sucked into the game and lose sense of real reality, but it is obviously possible and close relationships have occurred.

Looking back, I can see that Second Life is a virtual reality world for all types of people where everyone is accepted. It allows a person to interact with others and spend their free time being someone else. I will not likely enter the Second Life world ever again, but millions of people will continue to play and continue to form virtual relationships with strangers and experience an escape from their own real reality.

Works Cited

"7 Things You Should Know About...Second Life." Educause Learning Initiative, June 2008. Web. 27 Feb. 2011.

Berger, John. Ways of Seeing. London: British Broadcasting, 1977.

Goffman, Erving. The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. New York: Double Day, 1959.

Morris, Steven. “Second Life Affair Leads to Real Life Divorce.” The Guardian. November 13, 2008.